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Posted by: Kathy Penney on 09/03/2016

The Gift Of Forgiveness

Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself!  That was me most of my life!  I had many issues growing up and a lot of abuse by many different people.  I ended up not knowing how to be a loving and nurturing Mom to my two children, Kerri and Joey.  I had not learned how to forgive my Dad for the molestation happening to me in my home as a child.  Where was my Mom when this abuse was happening?  Could I ever forgive her for her silence? I didn't know how to forgive my husband for leaving me and my children when they were the ages of two and four.  I definitely couldn't forgive the stranger that took me from a parking lot and for forty minutes tried to kill me.  How could I forgive the two men that raped me at different times in my life? 

I finally was told Jesus loved me, forgave me and would help me forgive others.  He did just that but there was still dark places inside me that I felt I should keep because they were too horrible to just leave with Him.  After all I had four abortions and in my mind the sin of abortion is much greater than any other sins.  I also was a terrible Mom to my children as they grew.  I became a Christian when they were 12 and 14 and started to tell them why I had this new joy.  As the years went by they came to know Jesus in their twenties and I saw their lives change as my did.  Why did I hold on to such guilt of my past?  Finally one day a few years ago I was telling my daughter AGAIN, "Kerri I am so sorry I was such a terrible Mom"  This is what she said. "Mom, I have forgiven you and Jesus has forgiven you so if you keep walking around with this guilt it is like our forgiveness doesn't mean anything!"  It was then that I forgave myself and my guilt left forever!  Jesus took it all on the Cross! He doesn't want you to take it back.  He wants you to be free!!!!!  I am free!

Psalm 103:3 Praise the Lord my soul; all my inmost being, praise His Holy Name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

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